Feedback is a Gift. Thank You! (and you’re welcome;o))

I am betting that I’ll write on variations of this topic over and over again but today I just want to say “Thank you”…”and you’re welcome!”

Like so many of you, I have recently stumbled upon the most amazing professional resource I’ve ever found. Actually, it’s a series of resources that seems to continually expand – ripple, domino, pick your own cliche’ but this thing has got legs! I’m sure some of you have guessed that I’m talking about Twitter, #edchat, Tom Whitby’s The Educator’s PLN and the never-ending extensions that seem to be sprouting from each of them everyday.

Here’s an example. Recently, @ShellTerrell, who is a true phenomena in my book, (but that’s another entry), sent a tweet asking all new bloggers to retweet and give their web address with the hashtag #edchat. I complied, not knowing why, because… well, it was Shelly and in a few short weeks of following her on Twitter, I’ve learned that she is constantly up to something good.

Shortly thereafter, I got a message from @cybraryman1 who is truly a super hero with a link saying he had put my blog on his blog‘s page for parents. WOW. Amazing. He had ME feeling a little like a superhero too! But that’s not all.

You see, Shelly has been issuing challenges for educators through her tweets and blog, Teacher Reboot Camp, and it seems that one of the challenges was to support a new blogger. She listed my site, along with those of all of the others who answered her call and that leads me to Marti and Wildcat Teacher.

But first things first. I could see from my stats that loads of people visited from Cybraryman‘s and Shelly‘s sites and that was really exciting and motivating. But a couple of people actually posted comments, and Oh-my-GOODNESS what fun! After reading Wildcat Teacher’s post I was all kinds of jazzed and motivated to finish several of the half-finished pieces I’ve been not working on… and then I read Marti’s comment.

Marti posted on my piece about “Teaching Gratitude” and shared that it had prompted her to take an activity that she uses in the classroom home to her own kids. She called it a “Rubbing It In” board and it’s a great idea that reminded me of  and prompted me to share one of my favorite strategies for teaching gratitude with you. You will find instructions at the end of this article. It will work like a charm, and you’ll love it – I promise.

But before I started writing about that, I did one more thing – I followed the link to Marti’s blog. You should follow it too: The Techno Tiger. Her “Goal #4, Starting a Blog” is not only fantastic, but it is what inspired me to write down what I’ve been thinking – about how reciprocal this whole process is – the tweeting, and chatting, the blogging, and reading, the thinking. commenting, sharing, acting on it all and passing it on to our students. WOW.

I’m feeling pretty fortunate and… grateful right now,  and so to Marti, Wildcat Teacher, Kim,  Shelly, Cybraryman, Tom Whitby, and all of the other PLN-ed-chattering-tweet-and-blogging-educational-inspirations out there – you’ve got my mind spinning, I’m stretching and growing more than I have in ages (and I already stretch and grow more often than the average bear!), and it is all just so exciting and SO MUCH FUN! So thank you, thank you so very much.

And… you’re welcome too. Because I’m going to do my very best to contribute and give back in every way that I can. You can thank me later. ;o)

The “Above and Beyond” (Or “Rub It In”) Board

To quote Marti, “If receiving comments on my blog inspires me, as an adult, to continue to write, what might it do for our students?” Feedback is a gift, online and in life. Giving that gift consciously can inspire our students’ interest and willingness to engage in all kinds of positive things.

The “Above and Beyond” board is about consciously, deliberately, strategically providing both a model and a way for students to experience being both giver and recipient of positive feedback. If you use this technique, students will appreciate and remember you for it. More importantly, it  will  help them become more conscious, more grateful, and sometimes, even more gracious human beings.

Here’s how it works:

1. I write the student’s name in big bright letters on index cards, and write what they did in smaller letters underneath.
2. I stack and tack or staple the cards on top of each other by name. When students come in the room, the 1st thing they do is check those cards… and my students are 16-24 years old!
3. At the end of the month or workshop (depending on the format), I take all of the cards down and use them as raffle tickets – so the more good deeds, the more chances a student has to win.
4. Students can also earn raffle chances by writing cards for their peers; a card written by a student is a chance for both the writer and the student being commended to win.
5. After the raffle, the students get to keep their cards and we start all over again.

A few notes on implementation:

1. I don’t announce or explain the board- I just start doing it. I post the words “Above and Beyond” and start putting up cards. This leads to questions and the students always notice and get drawn in. This sneaky technique also eliminates the possibility of “we’re-too-cool-for-this” sabotage. Teeth are not sucked and eyes are not rolled. There are no moans, groans or disparaging comments to discourage students from going “above and beyond”. The board simply appears and then “is”.
2. I leave extra cards and markers right by the board and every single time I’ve done this, students have asked if they can write cards to each other too. You know your students – always provide guidelines; set limits and screen the cards if you have to… it won’t usually be necessary but better safe than sorry. Writing cards catches on and goes viral in no time.
3. The stacking is intentional, for a number of reasons. Stacking is an essential move in this strategy. Do not worry about the board looking bare for a day or two; I promise it will fill up quickly and that is part of the fun. Stacking ensures there is enough space for everyone’s name (and you will need to find at least one positive thing to say about each student).
4. Stacking also increases the interactivity of the board. Students will physically go up, flip through their pile and put it back where they found it, usually at least once a day.
5. They won’t be able to resist finding out what their cards say, and will be forced to go the board to find out. This makes it cool to care and be proud of receiving positive recognition.
6. Stacking also allows students who are shy about giving each other feedback to do so comfortably by inserting their cards into the stack.

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Want kids to be happy? Teach gratitude.

Having spent much of the first half of my life being a kid, and the entire second half surrounded by them, there is one thing I know for sure. Nothing is more crippling to the growth and development of young people than the inability to recognize what is good in their lives.

The biggest difference between people who are generally happy and people who are generally not, is this: Happy people recognize, focus on, think about, talk about and attribute value to what is good in their lives most of the time. Unhappy people don’t. It really is that simple.

Understanding this is critical for educators, counselors and parents who aim to raise happy, well adjusted children and young adults. I can’t count the number of times through the years that I’ve heard parents and teachers complain about how much young people take for granted. Comments like, “She’s never satisfied”, “It’s never enough,”He doesn’t know how good he’s got it” and “They don’t appreciate anything” are all too common and express adults’ frustration in dealing with a young mindset that is too often accepted as inevitable.

Our frustration with the ungrateful or entitled behavior kids sometimes bring into our classrooms or homes sometimes brings us to try and “force it out of ‘em!”. We nag and lecture, and sometimes, even sulk. We use disabling prompts, like “What do you say?”, or outright instruction: “Say ‘thank you’” or even a sarcastic “You’re welcome” unprecedented by thanks.

But these strategies disempower young people and undermine our true objective: to help them become gracious, considerate and thoughtful human beings. We want our kids to genuinely feel and express appreciation for the happy moments, meaningful experiences and the kindnesses shown to them by others. We want them to experience the peace and joy that comes with being truly thankful.

The following list offers my favorite strategies for teaching gratitude. I’ve put each of these into practice with kids of all ages (and even the occasional adult), always with great success and am so very thankful to be able to share them with you!

Top Ten for Teaching Gratitude

1. Model the behavior you wish to see. Challenge yourself to express your sincere appreciation for everything from good customer service, to courteous or helpful behavior, from good quality of work, to “the beautiful weather we’re having”. Express YOUR feelings and appreciation to allow young people to see the world through your grateful eyes.
2. Make children and young people the receiver of appreciation. Find things they’ve done to appreciate and offer thanks sincerely. Make eye contact. Let them hear the pleasure in your voice, let them see the smile on your face and warmth in your eyes. Shake their hands or give a hug (whichever is appropriate to your role). Let them bask in the feeling of being appreciated.
3. Involve them in activities where they can earn the appreciation of others. We sometimes forget that making kids the “helper” makes them feel strong, and strong is good. Engage them in service activities. Even very small children can be enlisted to help in some way. Be sure to process these experiences with them. Ask if they feel their efforts were appreciated and encourage them to talk about what made them feel that way.
4. Get them to co-sign. “Wasn’t that fun!”, “What a treat! Aren’t we lucky?”, “That was so kind of her, don’t you think?”. Your enthusiasm will be catching and this practice takes modeling a step further and gets them engaged. You are also asking for their opinion, which young people love.
5. Ask, don’t tell. When young people are clearly enjoying their meal, ask if it’s good. Then ask who made it for them. Follow with “Did you remember to (or should we) thank mom for making you such a terrific dinner?”
6. Create routines that promote appreciation. Ask “What is the best thing that happened today?”, create a community appreciation bulletin board or newsletter or set aside time in the classroom or assembly when students can publicly express appreciation for each other and the adults in their lives.
7. Provide a context that helps them see that they are fortunate without having to be told.  Then challenge them to share their thoughts. This link: http://www.kanji.org/kanji/jack/personal/100peop.htm takes you to a piece of writing that I remember hearing at an assembly when I was 14 years old. It describes the state of the world if we were to reduce it to a Global Village of just 100 people. I recently shared it with a friend who grew up in another part of the country and she too remembered reading this when she was very young. Sharing literature, movies, songs, and photographs are all great ways to help young people to broaden their context and adjust their priorities.
8. Point out how happy someone looks when being thanked and talk about how much more people enjoy being around people who are gracious and grateful.
9. Thank them when they thank you! Explain how much it means to you and to others when someone expresses appreciation.
10. Share your efforts! Enlist the support of others in teaching gratitude and express your appreciation for it! Remember that gratitude is contagious and pass it on.

Thanks for reading!